Formative Performances: Sarah Michelle Gellar in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

[Women's History Month, Day 17]

Two years ago, I wrote about Buffy and what she means to me as a fictional character. Today, I’m going to honor the woman who played her, because Buffy wouldn’t have been such an iconic character without Sarah Michelle Gellar.

The clip below is a few scenes from “Prophecy Girl” with the theme from “The Gift” playing in the background. (Break out the tissues, people.) This is the first time SMG really showed what she was capable of. She never lets you forget that underneath this butt-kicking superhero is a teenage girl who just wants to have a long, full, happy life. After Xander revives her, Buffy goes back to her quippy self – but something has changed. She’s not the same carefree teenager she used to be. She carries this experience with her for the rest of her life. Watching SMG show Buffy’s growth over seven years, from a spunky teenage girl to a strong, composed woman, was an experience I doubt I’ll see again on the small screen.

“Giles, I’m sixteen years old. I…I don’t wanna die.” *weeps*

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BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.19 – “Seeing Red”

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every month. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODE: “Seeing Red”
INCIDENT: Attempted rape
PERPETRATOR: Spike
VICTIM: Buffy Summers

The specifics: This episode takes place shortly after Buffy officially ended her sexual relationship with Spike, and Spike and Anya had drunk rebound sex. Dawn comes to visit Spike in his crypt and implies that Spike hurt Buffy by sleeping with Anya. In the meantime, Buffy gets injured in a fight with a vampire and hurts her back. She draws a bath and Spike comes in to talk to her, apologizing for what he did with Anya. Spike tells her that he’s been in a lot of pain and she should’ve let Xander kill him. Buffy tells him she couldn’t do that, and Spike assumes it’s because Buffy loves him and won’t admit it to herself. He goes over to her and pleads with her to love him, and when he gets physical with her, she hits her back on the tub and seems to exacerbate her injury. He holds her down on the floor and the pleading turns into an expression of anger as he pulls at her shirt and says, “I’m going to make you feel it.” She finally kicks him off of her and sends him flying across the room. Spike looks shocked at what he almost did, and Buffy yells, “Ask me again why I could never love you!”

The mind of the perpetrator: Spike visits Buffy because he feels guilty about sleeping with Anya. He doesn’t go into her bathroom because he expects to have sex with her. When he believes that Buffy loves him, though, he becomes obsessed with trying to make her admit that she loves him, and thinks that if he’s “inside” her again, she’ll admit to loving him. He’s instantly regretful when she kicks him off of her, and tries to apologize.

The victim’s perspective: Buffy just wants to take a goddamn bath and Spike decides that then is the perfect time to talk to her. She admits to having feelings for him but won’t call it “love.” When he holds her down on the floor, she’s crying and begging for him to stop. Any trust she had in him is broken.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

*takes off eyeglasses, Giles-style, polishes glasses, puts them back on, sighs, pours brandy because this might take awhile*

First of all, the very most offensive thing about this triggering and upsetting episode is the fact that the writers and producers decided to put a commercial break in the middle of the attempted rape scene. Spike hold Buffy down, his eyes wild, and then there are a few minutes of ads. “WILL Buffy be raped by her ex-lover? Find out after a word from our sponsor, Acuvue 2 contact lenses!”

Given that, it’s not surprising that this episode manages to be pretty uh, NOT GOOD in its handling of sexual assault.

Spike’s crime, for example, is portrayed as an act of desperation. He becomes desperate to make Buffy admit that she loves him, and seems to “come to his senses” once she finally kicks him across the room. In other words, his attempted rape of Buffy is portrayed as a crime of unrestrained sexual passion. He has no intention of hurting her, but when in the presence of the woman he loves, he…wait for it…can’t seem to help himself.

I don’t need to explain why that’s a dangerous message, right? Good.

Then we have the issue of Buffy’s injury. Buffy hurting her back before the attempted rape makes me uncomfortable. I feel like the writers put the injury in place because they needed an excuse for Buffy to not kick Spike off of her immediately. They wanted their drawn-out attempted rape scene, and they thought it would be unrealistic for Buffy to NOT fight back more quickly if she were at her full strength. This squicks me out. If the writers wanted to show Spike crossing the line and violating her consent, I think they could have done it without having a protracted scene without a weakened Buffy unable to fight back right away.

I also think that “Seeing Red” taints Buffy and Spike’s relationship. Their dynamic was always a little – okay, a lot – unhealthy, but their kinkier acts – public sex, using handcuffs, some BDSM-y moments – were fun to watch. Buffy the Vampire Slayer would often show the “good guys” having rather vanilla sex, while the “bad guys” (Spike/Drusilla, Angel/Drusilla) would get it on with the kinkier stuff. Buffy and Spike were the first example of a “good guy” and a semi-good guy getting a little kinky, where at least one person was in love with the other, and it was refreshing to see that the more adventurous sex wasn’t reserved for the villains on the show. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but this attempted rape almost seems like a cosmic punishment for Buffy exploring a more adventurous side to her sexuality – “If you do some kinky stuff with a guy, he’s going to try to rape you later!”

One thing I can say for “Seeing Red” is that Spike’s act is at least portrayed to be wrong. It’s not glossed over like other murky consent issues presented in Buffy the Vampire Slayer thus far. But we’re meant to feel equal sympathy for Spike and Buffy, and that’s not cool, because Buffy didn’t try to rape anybody.

Finally, we come to the issue of why. Why did the writers include a scene where Spike tried to rape Buffy?

The reason was simple. The Buffy team had decided that they wanted Spike to earn his soul – not be cursed with it like Angel was, but to actively pursue it – and they needed an inciting incident for his character. They needed for Spike to do something horrible, so horrible that he would hate himself for it and want to make sure that he would never do it again.

Hence, Spike tries to rape the woman he loves.

I have to admit that, from a storytelling perspective, this choice makes a strange sort of sense. There’s not much else Spike could do, at that point in his character’s journey, that would prompt him to seek out a soul. At that point, Spike’s sense of morality is still very small. He’s in love with Buffy and he has some affection for Dawn, but he’s ambivalent about the other Scoobs and doesn’t think much about humanity and life. He doesn’t concern himself with questions like, “What is the good and moral thing to do?” He concerns himself with questions like, “What can I do that will make Buffy love me?” His love for her is intense and strong, but selfish and self-centered.

I read a suggestion that Spike should have tried to turn Buffy into a vampire instead of trying to rape her. An attempted vamping would have kept the violation of consent within the rules of the genre, so I can see why that idea is appealing. It’s hard to argue that an attempted vamping has troubling real-life implications. Still, the plot device doesn’t entirely work, because I don’t think Spike ever wanted Buffy to be a vampire. He talked a lot about wanting her to “be in the dark, with me,” but I don’t think he wanted her to be a vampire. From a characterization standpoint, an attempted vamping wouldn’t make sense.

There’s only one other thing that I can see working as an inciting incident to provoke Spike into seeking his soul, and that’s if Spike had tried to kill Dawn. And I don’t think Spike would do that. For one thing, he couldn’t do it at the time, because he had the chip in his head, and Buffy was the only human being he could physically harm. I also think he has too much affection for Dawn to do that.

So, the writers use rape as a plot point, to set the (attempted rapist) male character on his journey to become a better person. We see more of Spike’s reaction to the attempted rape than we do Buffy’s. That is A Problem.

What makes it worse is the scene between Spike and Clem shortly after the attempted rape, where he feels momentarily guilty, then questions why he feels guilty, then curses Buffy for turning him into a person who feels guilt about trying to rape someone, and then leaves town making threatening messages to Buffy under his breath.

This is all in the pursuit of MISDIRECTION. The writers wanted us to think Spike was leaving town to get his chip removed, so they could have a surprise twist ending cliffhanger at the end of the season where whoa, Spike got his SOUL instead.

For the sake of misdirection, we had to watch three episodes where Spike shows anger and bitterness towards the woman he tried to rape.

That was an extraordinarily bad idea, and the second-most offensive thing about the attempted rape storyline (the first being the commercial break in the middle of the scene). After all that, we were still expected to sympathize with Spike and root for his redemption.

As a matter of fact, I did root for Spike in season seven, and I even rooted for him and Buffy together, but not until the second time I watched the season through, several years later. The first time I watched the seventh season, I couldn’t reconcile the attempted rape and the writers’ handling of it with the redemption story they were trying to tell.

Back when “Seeing Red” first aired, I was impressed with the writers for their attempt at a “brave” storyline, but now, I don’t see anything remotely brave or interesting about reinforcing a stereotype about rape being a “crime of passion.” I don’t think the misdirection was worth it, especially since everyone and her mother saw the “twist ending” coming from miles away, and if the writers really wanted to make Spike seek his soul, they should’ve given him a different motivation. (I can’t think of a good one right now, but heck, I wasn’t paid to write for the show, was I?)

As for why I liked the Buffy/Spike relationship in season seven despite the events of “Seeing Red”…well, I’ll save that for another post.

A Note on My BtVS and Consent Series

So, there is a lot of talk on the Internet this week about a certain piece rife with rape apologia, written by a woman whose friend raped an unconscious woman but totally feels bad about it and didn’t know it was rape, you guys!!!

I’m not linking to the piece because I don’t want to give Those People any more traffic. All you need to know is that a person wrote a really long article explaining why her rapist friend is not really that bad of a guy because he totes feels bad for what he did, and engaged in victim-blaming while claiming she wasn’t engaging in victim-blaming. If you want to read the actual disgusting post in its entirety, I recommend a search engine.

Or, you can read other people’s takes on the article. Melissa McEwan has a fantastic, blunt post about this on Shakesville. Some highlights:

“It is eminently possible to talk about rapists as complex human beings without talking about them (inaccurately) as “good people who just happened to do a bad thing.” Rape is not an act that happens accidentally. Rapists, all rapists, are predators who are hostile to consent and spend plenty of time feeling out, as an explicit or unconscious strategy, how far they can push boundaries (sexual and otherwise) without consequence before they commit rape.

This absurd construct of a “good guy who just happened to rape someone because he hasn’t been taught any better” is comprehensive bullshit. Rapists are predators. And that is true whether it’s a serial rapist who carefully stalks specific victims, or whether it’s a “good guy” who exploits an opportunity to rape an unconscious woman.”

She also went on to say…

“there are two kinds of rapists, and the distinction is not, as the GMP and other rape apologists would have us believe, rapists who intend to rape and rapists who rape accidentally whoooooooops, but is in fact sadistic rapists, for whom the lack of a victim’s pleasure isn’t a bug but a feature, and opportunistic rapists, who are primarily sex-seeking rapists who coerce victims and/or exploit lack of consent by virtue of their victims having borderline or overtly impaired states of consciousness.”

Excellent, important delineation here.

Then I started thinking about my own BtVS and Consent series, and how I frame the discussions of rape in those episodes, and realized that there might be some confusion as to what I’m trying to accomplish in that series. I want to take this time to clear up any misconceptions that might be lingering.

Specifically, I want to talk about my decision to write about both “the mind of the perpetrator” and “the victim’s perspective.”

The reason I write about “the mind of the perpetrator” is to examine the reasons why the potential characters are committing rape or an act that is on par with a violation of consent. Looking at the reasons is NOT, in any way, an attempt to excuse the characters’ actions. In every case I write about, I believe the perpetrator is wrong, wrong, wrongity wrong, full stop.

I write about their reasons because I want to look at whether or not the characters are, as McEwan pointed out, sadistic rapists or opportunistic rapists. Some of them rape because they want to cause the other person pain. Others are not actively looking to cause pain to their victims – they simply don’t care about their victims at all. They want to have sex with their victims, and if their victims don’t want to have sex with them, oh well – they’re going to do it anyway.

I think a lot of conversations about rape, and motivations for rapists, often become unfortunately simplistic. People will either believe that rape is all about power and hurting victims, and ignore the opportunistic rapists who rape because they want to have sex, or they believe that rape is all about sex and ignore the existence of the sadistic rapists. I write about what the perpetrators are thinking because I want to emphasize that not all people rape for the same reasons.

This is also why I write “the mind of the perpetrator” and “the victim’s perspective.” I don’t write about “the perpetrator’s perspective” because I don’t want to imply a “he said, she said” (or, in the case of Faith and Xander, “she said, he said”) dynamic. I never want to imply that the perpetrator’s and victim’s feelings are just “two sides of the story.” I never want to imply that their reasons and feelings deserve equal weight and attention.

One of my goals in this series is to point out that, regardless of whether the rapist is a sadist or an opportunist, the victim is still hurt. The victim is not to blame no matter why the rapist rapes. The victim is still hurt, and affected, and changed, and abused. The victim is probably not going to be comforted to learn that hir rapist was an opportunist rather than a sadist, because it was still a violation of hir body and consent.

Katrina is not less hurt by Jonathan and Andrew than she is by Warren because Warren wanted revenge and Jonathan and Andrew “just” wanted sex. She might be hurt for different reasons, but she is not hurt less.

Riley is not less hurt by Faith because Faith was not actively trying to hurt him, and simply using him as a way to hurt Buffy. He might be hurt for different reasons, but he is not hurt less.

Buffy is not less hurt by Xander because Xander was possessed by a hyena, but…well, actually, yeah, she probably is less hurt. That’s not the best example. After I write about a few more individual episodes, I’m going to write specifically about the way rape/consent issues are portrayed on genre shows like BtVS, because there’s not really a real-life equivalent of “mystical animal possession,” is there?

So far, I haven’t had any negative responses to this BtVS and Consent series. I think people who read this series understand what I’m trying to accomplish. But with all the rape apologia garbage on the Internet and in the world, I wanted to clarify my purpose for this series, just in case someone reading did not understand why I wrote about “the mind of the perpetrator.”

[Blog note: There are only a few episodes left that I plan to cover - "Seeing Red" (the Big Kahuna of consent issue episodes), "Never Leave Me," "Get it Done," and "Chosen," and I'll write a few wrap-up posts after the episode reviews. Next week, there will be three non-Buffy-related posts before I take a two-week break for holiday celebrations/working on my novel. Thanks for reading, everyone.]

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.13 – “Dead Things” (Part 2)

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every month. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODE: “Dead Things”
INCIDENT: Sex, lots of it, in different positions with different implications
PARTICIPANTS: Buffy and Spike

The specifics and the respective participants’ perspectives: Buffy and Spike interact meaningfully several times in this episode.

Interaction #1: They’ve just finished having sex underneath the rug in his crypt. They have a pleasant chat about the way he’s decorated his apartment. Spike realizes that they’re having an actual conversation. Buffy enjoys it until Spike calls her an “animal” for the way she acted in bed. He asks if she even likes him, and she says, “Sometimes,” but doesn’t trust him with the handcuffs.

Spike’s perspective: He’s genuinely surprised when Buffy seems to be talking to him, and seems both bitter and accepting that she only “sometimes” likes him. He calls her an animal as a compliment of her skills in the sack.

Buffy’s perspective: She seems to enjoy talking with Spike until he calls attention to the fact that she’s enjoying talking with him. She doesn’t like being called an animal, and says that she sometimes likes Spike, but doesn’t trust him and never will.

Interaction #2: Spike comes up behind Buffy in the Bronze as she’s looking down on her friends dancing together on the main floor. He points out that she’s always walking away from her friends, and says she doesn’t belong with them: “You belong in the dark, with me.” He runs his hand up her leg. She tells him to stop, and he says, “Stop me,” and soon he’s fucking her from behind (sorry, there’s really no other way to put that). He tells her that she clearly loves getting away with banging him in front of her friends, right under their noses.

Spike’s perspective: Spike wants Buffy for himself. If that means banging her while she’s depressed, away from the friends she’s no longer able to relate to, so be it.

Buffy’s perspective: Buffy looks pretty unhappy during this whole exchange and I don’t think she’s enjoying herself much. She doesn’t stop Spike, even though she’s physically capable of doing so, because she believes that he’s right – she is a creature of the dark, there is something broken in her. However, maybe there is a part of her that really does get off on being dangerous and naughty like this.

Interaction #3: Buffy approaches Spike’s crypt at night and touches the door. He senses her presence and touches the door on the inside of the crypt. Their hands seem to connect in the same spot, the door between them, but when Spike walks outside, Buffy’s gone. She is distracted by the time-shifting demons surrounding her and gets into a fight. She discovers Katrina’s dead body and believes that she killed Katrina. Spike orders Buffy to go home and tells her that he’ll take care of this. Buffy has a dream: Spike crawls into her bed, kissing her, and then they’re having sex with her on top and with him in handcuffs. She imagines trying to stake Spike and killing Katrina instead.

Spike’s perspective: He wants sex and a connection with Buffy. When she thinks she’s killed Katrina, though, he wants to help her so that she’s not connected to the death.

Buffy’s perspective: She’s caught in a vicious cycle in her relationship with Spike. She views being with him as both a source of comfort and a source of depression. She dreams of him being tender with her, but also dreams of staking him.

Interaction #4: Buffy has decided to turn herself into the cops for killing Katrina. Spike stops her and admits to getting rid of the body. Buffy wants to confess anyway, and Spike doesn’t want her to. Buffy knocks Spike down and beats his face bloody, shouting that she could never be his “girl.” Spike insists that “you always hurt the one you love.” Buffy runs off.

Spike’s perspective: Spike doesn’t want Buffy to turn herself in because he wants to be with her. There’s a part of him, though, that seems to be capable of loving her unselfishly – he also doesn’t want her to go to jail because he wants her to be okay. Of course, he uses exactly the wrong tactic to convince her, claiming that Katrina’s death doesn’t count because Buffy’s saved so many people’s lives – not the argument you want to use with a woman whose mission is to protect ALL human life.

Buffy’s perspective: Buffy is hellbent on punishing herself and resents Spike for trying to stop her. When she beats him up, she shouts, “There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can’t feel anything real!” Spike is the one she’s physically attacking, but she’s really beating herself up. These are all things she’s saying to herself.

Interaction #5: This is a conversation Buffy has with Tara ABOUT Spike, but I’m including it anyway. Buffy is horrified to hear that she didn’t come back “wrong” at all. She was hoping for there to be something seriously wrong with her, something incomplete about the resurrection. She wants to hear that she’s damaged in some way. She feels guilty for using Spike, for letting him in, for sleeping with someone who she’s supposed to hate, and collapses into Tara’s lap, sobbing.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

To put it very simply, Buffy and Spike’s relationship in the sixth season is an abusive one. BUT, describing the relationship in ONLY those terms doesn’t do justice to the complexities of the relationship, AND it’s not always clear who the abusive partner is.

It’s easy to say that Spike is taking advantage of a woman who is clinically depressed, that while the scene on the balcony is not technically rape, he’s taking advantage of her insecurities and pushing her buttons. He doesn’t care how unhappy she is, as long as she ends up with him. That’s gross, and that’s textbook abusive behavior.

On the other hand, I also feel like Buffy has been looking for an excuse to be with Spike since she came back from the dead, because being with him is, as she says, the only act that makes her feel anything at all. The “you came back wrong” assertion is tormenting her, but it’s also strangely comforting and justifying. If she came back “wrong,” she can do what she wants. It’s okay for her to sleep with a soulless vampire if she wants to, because something physical and supernatural about her is technically broken.

And even though Spike is completely selfish in many aspects of his relationship with Buffy, he’s not wrong to want to stop her from going to the police. There, his instincts are correct, even if his actions are not. He knows that Buffy’s not going to the cops because she’s trying to do the responsible thing; she’s doing an act of self-destruction. A Buffy in her right mind wouldn’t run to the police after what happened with Katrina. A Buffy in her right mind would have thought, “Hey, wait a minute – there was this weird time-shifty thing when I was fighting, and I had issues with time-shifty things messing up my life a few weeks ago…it must have been the nerds!” And I think that here, he wants to help Buffy for Buffy’s sake.

Then Buffy is beating Spike’s face bloody, taking out her self-hatred on another person, and is also exhibiting textbook abusive behavior – not the behavior of a narcissistic, sadistic abuser, but an abuser who vents insecurities on another person.

Then there’s the classic, “You always hurt the one you love.” A phrase that is SO problematic out of context, but oddly works for this relationship. Spike has never been in a healthy relationship, and as a soulless vampire, associates beatings and torture and violence with the two women (Drusilla and Buffy) he’s loved. As for Buffy, I take this statement – and her silence when Tara asks her if she loves Spike – as a tacit admission that she does love him, and an acknowledgment of the way Spike hurts her.

Basically, these two have a messed-up relationship and both use and abuse each other, yet there are also many times where they find comfort in one another, and understand each other better than anyone else can. What implications does this have in our culture? What does it mean to have this narrative play on our screens – a narrative where both parties can be described as abusive at different points in the relationship – when few real-life instances of domestic violence can be described as “mutually abusive?” Is this an irresponsible way to portray an abusive relationship, or does this dynamic make sense for Buffy and Spike as characters – and can the answer to both of those questions be “yes” at the same time?

I’ll leave it up to you. Discuss in comments.

Next up in January: “Seeing Red.” Oy vey.

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.13 – “Dead Things” (Part 1)

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every month. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODE: “Dead Things”
INCIDENT: Mind control, attempted rape, murder
PERPETRATOR: Warren Mears, Jonathan Levinson, Andrew Wells
VICTIM: Katrina Silber

The specifics: The Trio wants to take their attempts to take over Sunnydale to the next level. They create a cerebral dampener, a device that will allow them to control the mind and actions of any victim of their choosing. Their goal: to turn a woman into their willing sex slave. (“Willing” is a word they use rather liberally, considering the context.) Warren chooses his ex-girlfriend, Katrina, as their target. He engages her in conversation where she informs him that she never wants to see him again, but then he activates the dampener and Katrina says, in a robotic tone, “I love you, Master.”

The next time we see Katrina, she’s still under the influence of the cerebral dampener, only now she’s dressed in a French maid’s outfit and serving drinks to the Trio. All of them want to take a turn “playing” with Katrina, but Warren lays claim to her first. They go into the other room and kiss. He tells her to get on her knees, and she does. Then the spell wears off and she runs out of the room, yelling at the Trio. She informs them that what they’re doing isn’t a game or a fantasy: it’s rape. She tries to leave, but Warren is violent with her and breaks a champagne bottle over her head. Andrew discovers that Warren has killed her.

Andrew and Jonathan are upset, but Warren comes up with a plan: to use their assorted talents and skills to make Buffy think that she killed Katrina. This plan mostly succeeds until the end of the episode, when Buffy realizes that Warren had to be involved in Katrina’s death. Meanwhile, Warren and Andrew are satisfied that Katrina is no longer a problem and that they got away with murder. Jonathan, on the other hand, remains disturbed.

The mind of the perpetrators: “Dead Things” shows a marked difference between Warren, the leader of this group, and Jonathan and Andrew, the followers. Jonathan and Andrew want a sex slave that will do anything they want, and it can be any woman they find in a bar. Warren isn’t interested in picking a woman at random. He wants his ex-girlfriend back and claims to still be in love with her – and I think he believes that he means that. When Jonathan and Andrew comment that Katrina is “cute” and “hot,” Warren talks about the shape of her lips, her smooth skin, the way her nose crinkles when she laughs – traits of Katrina’s that he seems to miss. This doesn’t stop him from wiping her mind and treating her like a piece of meat, however.

When Katrina realizes what’s happening to her and calls them out on being rapists, Andrew and Jonathan are visibly shocked and upset that Katrina is defining them that way. (They also, notably, think that Warren trying to brainwash his ex is “messed up.”) Warren isn’t – he doesn’t care what Katrina in her right mind thinks, as long as he can brainwash her into being the Katrina he wants her to be and turn her back into his sex slave.

After Warren kills Katrina, Jonathan and Andrew, again, are more upset than Warren is. Andrew is the first to suggest that they turn themselves in (a detail that I had forgotten, and it surprised me), and Jonathan agrees with him – they both seem to think that the police will be more lenient with them if they confess to their crime. They’re still thinking of themselves, though – if they have genuine guilt over what they did to Katrina, the guilt is overshadowed by their desire to find a lesser sentence for themselves.

By the end of the episode, their three states of mind are clear, and all different from each other.

Warren, having told himself that he really loved Katrina and wanted her back, is completely unconcerned that the woman he supposedly loved is dead. Ironically, the first time we saw Warren back in season five, he was ditching the sex-bot he created and finding love with a real live woman because she was more interesting than a sex-bot. In this episode, he tries to turn the real live woman into the sex-bot and punishes her when she doesn’t capitulate.

Andrew’s intentions are less malicious than Warren’s, though he’s equally culpable for the group’s actions. Andrew lives in a complete fantasy world. He defines every person in his life, including himself, as a role in some kind of story that he’s creating in his head. He’s defined himself as an evil mastermind, a cool super villain in a comic book story. He thinks it’s okay to treat Katrina as a sex slave because she, too, is just a sex slave character in a comic book story. He is genuinely upset when Warren kills Katrina, and he has a brief window of opportunity to treat this issue seriously, and he is the first one to suggest that they turn themselves in. But after Warren breaks into the computer system to make Katrina’s death seem like a suicide, Andrew only says, “We just got away with murder. That’s…kinda cool.” He had a chance to make a positive change, but he didn’t take it, because treating himself as a cool super villain character is easier than owning his actions.

Jonathan’s intentions, by the end of the episode, are the least terrible of the three. Again, he, Warren, and Andrew are equally culpable for trying to rape Katrina, but he’s the only one who seems permanently unsettled about what they did. He sarcastically comments that “there must be some more girls that we can kill,” and it comes from a place that’s disturbed about what the group has become. He’s not redeemed by any means, but he’s at least realized that this Trio of Doom is not a game anymore.

The victim’s perspective: Katrina could not be more clear with her “no” when Warren tries to sweet-talk her at the bar. She reacts with fear, anger, and disgust when she realizes what the three men were planning to do with her. She immediately recognizes Jonathan and Andrew’s intentions for what they are:

“You bunch of little boys, playing at being men. Well, this is not some fantasy. It’s not a game, you freaks! It’s rape!”

She also threatens to get them locked up in jail: “And then we’ll see how you like getting raped!”

She’s angry, she’s direct, she fights back – and she’s still killed.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

Hoo boy, does this episode have a LOT to say.

First of all, the word “rape” is mentioned. Buffy the Vampire Slayer has more than a handful of episodes that have rape or violation of consent as a plot point, but “Dead Things” is the first one that actually has a character call it “rape.” Buffy made reference to “the great roofie spirit” in “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered,” and Angel and Faith talked about safety words in “Consequences,” but this episode actually uses the word “rape.”

This episode is also a criticism of geek culture and its sense of entitlement and victimization. Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew all have built-up anger from being ignored and treated badly in childhood and in high school. They believe that they’re entitled to sex from whatever woman they want. Sex with a hot woman of their choice is their reward for having been bullied and ostracized in their youth. They don’t see that their objectification of women is denying women their humanity, much like others denied their humanity when they were younger. Jonathan and Andrew are upset when Katrina calls them rapists, not because they feel remorse for taking advantage of a woman, but because they don’t want to see themselves as rapists.

Then we have to consider the Trio’s choice of sex slave in Katrina. Warren chooses Katrina because he claims to miss her, and maybe a part of him does, but he also wants to punish her/have her apologize for breaking up with him a year ago. He’s using sex as a weapon to denigrate the woman he claims to love. Even Jonathan and Andrew think that Warren brainwashing his ex is “messed up.” Of course, they have no problem with brainwashing a woman they don’t know. They’re all potential rapists and they’re all using rape as wish fulfillment, but they have slightly different mindsets. Warren is using rape as punishment and a culmination of a twisted romantic fantasy. Jonathan and Andrew are using it JUST as wish fulfillment, and they don’t seem to have a desire to punish women. They would, however, prefer to select a randomly chosen “hot girl” than someone they know, probably because picking a woman they don’t know makes it easier for them to deny her worth as a human being

The lesson here? Rapists don’t all rape for the same reasons.

And the reasons for their actions do not make a lick of difference to the actual victim, Katrina. She’s angrier with Warren because of their personal connection but doesn’t spare Jonathan or Andrew her wrath. She wants all of them to be held accountable for what they did. She does her best to get away, and she still dies.

The lesson here? You can do everything you’re told to do – fight back, try to run away, be “tough” and strong – and still be killed.

“Dead Things” has some very useful lessons about rape culture: rapists are often methodical and plan carefully and are not just “overcome” with lust, and that victims can follow every piece of advice in a “don’t be raped” seminar and still not escape. These lessons are disturbing, but necessary.

Unfortunately, the series fails to follow up on some of the promise in “Dead Things.” Katrina is only mentioned two more times in the rest of the series, and only once by name. Jonathan makes a bitter “deader than an ex-girlfriend” crack in a later episode, and Willow taunts Warren with an image of Katrina when confronting him for killing Tara. Andrew kills Jonathan in season seven and then becomes a hostage/comic relief of the Scooby gang, and the group judges him for having killed Jonathan and for generally being a weasel, but they don’t mention his role in Katrina’s death. We’re left to assume that Katrina’s death is still ruled as a suicide in police records, and that her parents are left believing that she killed herself.

The writers clearly forgot about this character when they moved on with developing the rest of the Trio. I don’t have a problem with that from a storytelling perspective – Katrina was a two-episode character, after all, and the Trio was the main villain of the season until Willow went evil. Still, it’s a little disturbing and ironic that a show can a) accurately portray the mentality of rapists while b) eventually disappearing the victim.

Almost 2,000 words and I haven’t even touched on the Buffy/Spike plot in “Dead Things,” so that will be a post of its own.

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.11 – “Gone”

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every month. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODES: “Gone”
INCIDENT: Um…invisible sex
PARTICIPANTS: Buffy and Spike

The specifics: The Trio of Doom accidentally turns Buffy invisible. One of the first things she does upon turning invisible is stop by Spike’s crypt. She shoves him and pins him against the wall. He doesn’t know what’s going on until she kisses his neck, and then recognizes her as Buffy. They have sex in his bed while she’s invisible. Then he asks her to leave, saying, “If I can’t have all of you, I’d rather-” then he looks down and says, “Okay, that’s cheating,” implying that she’s now giving him oral sex.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

I’m skipping a few categories when writing about this episode because a) I’m not sure this really counts as a consent issue, b) this is the dumbest episode in the series, and c) I need to save up my energy for when I write about “Dead Things” (oy) and “Seeing Red” (OY). But I have seen people talk about this episode as one that makes them uncomfortable because of the way invisible Buffy is sexually aggressive with Spike, so I thought I’d address the issue here.

First of all, I don’t think the writers would have ever attempted an episode where Spike was the one who turned invisible and shoved Buffy against a wall. (They did attempt an episode where he tried to rape her on her bathroom floor, but that’s a few posts from now.) With the genders reversed and Spike’s history of stalking, invisible Spike shoving Buffy against a wall and ripping her shirt open would not be played for comedy. That would come across as assault. That probably would be assault.

Yet I have a hard time categorizing Buffy’s behavior as assault – not because she’s a woman, but because of the history between her and Spike. This seems to fall in the same pattern that she and Spike have established so far. He follows her, she rejects him, he gets annoyed and promises that she’ll come to him eventually, and then she comes to him.

I also don’t see Spike refusing the first time, when she shoves him against the wall. He is an active participant in that sex, even if he doesn’t feel great about it afterwards. When he says that he doesn’t want her unless he can have “all of her,” and she shuts him up by going down on him – well, I’m not sure what to make of that. A part of me wants to question if this is really fair to Spike and if his wishes are being ignored here, or if it’s fair of Buffy to assume that he didn’t really mean that he didn’t want it. The other part of me doesn’t want to talk about this episode anymore because it’s SO dumb, the dumbest episode ever, and would rather let the readers decide.

What do you make of this episode when analyzing the consent issues at play?

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.09 – “Smashed”

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every month. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODES: “Smashed”
INCIDENT: Violent sex
PARTICIPANTS: Buffy and Spike

The specifics: Before “Smashed,” Buffy kissed Spike twice. She kissed him at the end of “Once More With Feeling” and “Tabula Rasa.” In the beginning of “Smashed,” she swears to never kiss Spike again. By the end of the episode, Buffy and Spike are having sex in a dilapidated building. They quite literally fuck a house down.

The specifics, from Spike’s perspective: Spike thinks Buffy is leading him on – she kissed him twice and pretended it meant nothing. He tries to physically restrain her so she’ll listen to him. She hits him. He hits her back and realizes that he felt no pain from the chip in his head. After a conversation with Warren, he finds out that the chip is fully functional and just doesn’t work on Buffy. He calls her out, and when she doesn’t respond, he follows her and goads her into hitting him. He hits her back and informs her that the chip doesn’t work on her because she “came back wrong.” They fight, and he taunts her about being a “little lost girl” and being “less human” than she thought. He asks Buffy if she’s afraid of “giving him the chance” to hurt her. Before he can finish asking the next question, she’s kissing him and initiating sex.

The specifics, from Buffy’s perspective: Spike won’t leave her alone. She’s told him several times that the kisses meant nothing, but he still follows her around. She rejects him when he tries to call her on the phone. When he shows up, she tells him to get out of her way. He doesn’t listen, so she hits him. When he hits her back, she’s horrified that the chip doesn’t seem to work on her, and repeatedly insists that he’s wrong. They fight, and it isn’t long before she’s kissing him, pushing his back against the wall, and unzipping his pants.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

You’ll notice that I didn’t post my usual “victim” and “perpetrator” labels in this edition of “BtVS and Consent Issues.” That’s because I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here in terms of consent. The relationship between Buffy and Spike in season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer makes consent issues very murky.

On one hand, I feel that Spike is taking advantage of Buffy’s extremely vulnerable state to get what he wants. Buffy is obviously clinically depressed, and her decision-making skills are not great. He claims to be in love with her, and yet he takes entirely too much pleasure in informing her that she came back “wrong,” that she’s warped and strange and not entirely human.

On the other hand, Buffy is the one who turns the violent fight into a kiss, and she’s the one who shoves Spike against a wall, unzips his pants, pulls her skirt to the side, and starts riding him.

Is Spike violating Buffy’s consent by manipulating her when she’s particularly vulnerable? Or is Buffy violating Spike’s consent while initiating sex during a violent fight? Can both of these things be true at the same time? Or, is it possible that neither is true – that even though the sex is angry and violent, there is no violation of consent on either side?

I’m not sure how to answer those questions. I’ve watched the last few minutes of “Smashed” more times than any other single scene in Buffy the Vampire Slayer history, and I’m still not quite sure what to make of it.

I tend to believe that Spike provoked Buffy with the intention of making her emotionally vulnerable, or at least with the intention of proving her wrong, but that he was completely surprised (though not unhappy) when she initiated sex. I also believe that Buffy was attracted to Spike for a long, long time before the “you came back wrong” speech, and that she used the “you came back wrong” doubt in her mind to have sex with him – but I still don’t know exactly when and how she made the decision to stop fighting and initiate sexytimes.

What do you all think?

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.06 – “All the Way,” 6.07 – “Once More With Feeling,” and 6.08 – “Tabula Rasa”

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every other Tuesday. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODE: “All the Way”
INCIDENT: Memory modification followed by sex
PERPETRATOR: Willow Rosenberg
VICTIM: Tara Maclay

The specifics: Willow and Tara got into an argument about Willow’s dangerous use of magic. The fight took place in the middle of the Bronze and was left unresolved by the time they went to bed that night. At home, Willow tried to talk to Tara again, but Tara, still angry, wasn’t in the mood to resume the conversation and wanted to go to bed. Willow suggested that they forget the fight ever happened. She then performed a spell to wipe the memory from Tara’s mind. Tara, no longer remembering the fight, happily invited Willow into their bed.

In the next episode, she and Willow were more romantic and cuddly than ever and had sex several times. Then Tara found out about the memory wipe, and expressed a desire to leave Willow. In the episode after that, Tara told Willow how betrayed she felt, and gave her an ultimatum: “go for a week without using magic, and then we’ll see.” Willow performed another memory spell that took away the memories of everyone in the group. When Xander accidentally broke the spell, Tara realized what had happened, and she broke up with Willow and moved out of the house.

The mind of the perpetrator: Willow doesn’t see anything wrong with her use of magic and she resents Tara for criticizing her. When Tara criticizes her, Willow’s response is disturbing, to say the least:

“TARA: You are using too much magic! What do you want me to do, just sit back and keep my mouth shut?

WILLOW: That’d be a good start.”

Here, Willow really doesn’t sound any different from a misogynistic, abusive boyfriend who wants his girlfriend to shut up and keep her opinions to herself.

Later, Willow is contrite, but she still doesn’t think she did anything wrong – or at least, she refuses to admit it to herself. She uses the forgetting spell to make Tara happy again. Willow wants to avoid responsibility, and she also wants everything to be nice and happy with Tara. When Tara confronts her in “Tabula Rasa,” Willow admits, “I just wanted to make things better. Better for us.”

Willow’s used to Tara being a completely supportive girlfriend – a cheerleader, if you will – and is uncomfortable with this change in the status quo of Tara challenging her. She doesn’t want to see that Tara is still supporting her and is criticizing her use of magic to help her. She’s too afraid of losing Tara, and she sees one fight leading to several fights that will lead to Tara abandoning her. Of course, she fulfills this own prophecy by violating Tara again.

The victim’s perspective: A memory wipe would be an act of betrayal to anyone, but it’s especially hurtful for Tara, someone who already had her mind and sanity horribly violated by Glory in season five. Ironically, Willow was the one to save Tara’s mind at the end of the season. Now, she’s the one taking Tara’s memory away.

Tara’s no dummy, and she sees through Willow’s excuses.

“TARA: You don’t get to decide what is better for us, Will. We’re in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together.

WILLOW: Okay. I realize I did it wrong.

TARA: You did it the way you’re doing everything. When things get rough, you don’t even consider the options. You just do a spell. It’s not good for you, Willow. And it’s not what magic is for.

WILLOW: But I just wanna help people.

TARA: Maybe that’s how it started, but you’re helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me.”

Tara’s not exactly known for standing up to Willow or criticizing her in any way, but she’s laying down the law here. She doesn’t like this pattern of behavior in Willow and she doesn’t want to leave her, but she doesn’t want to risk getting her mind played with again.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

There’s something called “informed consent,” and Willow violated it. She wiped Tara’s memory and then had sex with her the episode later – sex that Tara would not have consented to after such an argument, had she remembered that the argument took place. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Willow raped Tara.

Tara, though, doesn’t mention this when she confronts Willow. Willow wiping her memory at all is the biggest violation to Tara, regardless of what Willow did afterwards.

Given Tara’s history, it makes sense that the memory modification would bother her more than anything else. Tara’s family tried to “fix her to their liking” as well, telling her that she was part-demon. Much like her parents tried to “fix” her to their liking, Willow’s trying to do the same thing.

Tara recognizes that this is all a form of control. What she wants is irrelevant, and much like she rejected her family, she rejected Willow for trying to “fix” her. Willow would be horrified to be to compared to Tara’s family, I’m sure, but the comparison is an apt one.

Willow believes that what she did to Tara isn’t really wrong because her intentions were good. These episodes show that, when it comes to consent, the intention of the perpetrator doesn’t matter. If you take away a person’s memory because you’re a controlling asshole or if you take away a person’s memory because you want things to be nice between you, the person is still violated either way.

I think these episodes did a very good job of showing why Willow had a problem with controlling others, and why that was a bad thing. Unfortunately, much of the follow-up wasn’t strong, and Willow’s need to fix people to her liking, as Tara aptly put it, was pushed aside in favor of magic=drugs metaphors. I think the show could have provided some very strong commentary about consent and control if they had continued with this path.

Rapists and violators don’t rape and violate because they lose control over themselves; they do it because they (for whatever reason) want to control others.Willow’s problem was portrayed as controlling others until the end of episode nine, but was portrayed as an issue of self-control from “Wrecked” on, and it was a huge missed opportunity on the show’s part.

P.S. Even though Willow deserved every bit of Tara’s criticism and then some, she still received approximately 100% more criticism of this action than Angel did with his TWO memory-wiping stunts in “I Will Remember You” and the season four finale in his own show. Fuck you, Angel.

Xander Harris Has Masculinity Issues

[This post originally appeared at Bitch Flicks.]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has a great cast of characters that includes many flawed, admirable, psychologically complex (white) women. Two of them (Buffy and Cordelia) are some of my most beloved television characters ever. Another (Willow) fascinates me and infuriates me in equal measure. The rest of the female cast resonate more with other people than they do with me, giving a variety of watchers (as in television watchers, not the Council of Watchers, hey-o!) a large selection of women to relate to and find inspiring.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer also has Xander Harris, a character who is, perhaps, not as inspiring for a feminist viewer of the show. After all, he’s a bit of a Nice Guy. He’s slut-shamed his romantic partners and female friends. He’s been a judgmental jerk about his friends’ lives. He’s my favorite character on the show.
*record scratch* Wait, what?
Yes, it’s true. Despite Xander’s many flaws, despite the fact that he’s said and done a few things that have made me want to reach into the television screen and shake him a little, I still count him as my favorite of the many characters on Buffy that I love.
Some of the reasons I love Xander are obvious to anyone who knows me or has read my writing: he’s funny and a loyal friend, and I tend to be attracted to that particular character archetype (see Weasley, Ron and Gamgee, Samwise). I also love him for his bravery and the fact that he always fights the good fight despite not having any superpowers. Other reasons are less obvious, because I’m a feminist and Xander has, let’s say, issues with women – but if anything, my feminism has made me appreciate him as a character even more than when I first started watching the show.
When I look at Xander through a feminist lens, I find him fascinating because he’s a mass of contradictions. He’s a would-be “man’s man” – obsessed with being manly – whose only close friends are women. He’s both a perpetrator and victim of sexual assault and/or violation of consent. He’s both attracted to and intimidated by strong women. He jokes about objectifying women and viewing sex as some sort of game, but in more intimate moments, seems to value romance and real connection. He’s a willing participant in the patriarchy and also a victim of it.
The last point is the main one I’m going to address in this post. I hesitate to wring my hands and go “what about teh menz?!” but I think deconstructing traditional masculinity is an important part of feminism, and while Buffy has excellent commentary on the way gender roles have negatively affected women, it also shows us, through Xander, how these gender roles are no picnic for men, either.
Xander is a boy who struggles with his relationship with masculinity, and the source of much of this struggle can be traced back to his childhood. In the first few seasons, we’re given brief glimpses into Xander’s home life, and even though we never see his parents onscreen, what we do see isn’t pretty. His mother doesn’t recognize his voice when he calls her at home. During the holidays, he spends his nights on the lawn in a sleeping bag to avoid his family’s drunken Christmas fights. He watches movies with Anya, Buffy, and Riley in his family’s basement as his parents fight loudly above them. When Buffy expresses shock that a villain of the week turned out to be a cruel children’s baseball coach, Xander replies, “Well, you obviously haven’t played Kiddie League. I’m surprised it wasn’t one of the parents,” showing a disturbing familiarity with the way adults can be harmful to children.
The show leaves little hints about Xander’s upbringing throughout the first four seasons, but the first time we see one of his family members is in “Restless.” During Xander’s dream sequence, he constantly finds himself returning to his parents’ basement, and we’re left with the impression that his biggest fear is to be stuck aimless, drifting from job to job, and being a loser.
Then the basement door opens, and we see the shrouded, partially obscured vision of Xander’s father. A physically imposing man, he walks down the stairs and berates Xander for being ashamed of his family. And Xander, who has fought vampires, who stared down a vicious bully with a quiet smile on his face, who has saved the lives of each one of his friends at one point or another, can’t look his father in the eye. He’s at a loss for words, offering only a weak “You don’t understand” before hearing the rest of his father’s tirade: “The line ends here with us, and you’re not gonna change that. You don’t have the heart.”
And his father reaches into Xander’s chest and pulls out his heart.
Xander and his father (Michael Harney)

Yes, the person who really ripped out Xander’s heart was the spirit of the First Slayer, but the point is clear: his father is the scariest, most threatening figure in Xander’s life. He is literally the source of Xander’s nightmares, and his speech speaks to Xander’s biggest fear: that he will never escape the cycle of abuse from his family, and that he might someday become just like his father.
Presented with an unhealthy example of abusive, aggressive male behavior throughout his life, Xander struggles with his masculinity as a teen and a young man. He doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his father, the only male authority figure he admires (Giles) mostly views him as an annoyance, and after Jesse dies in the second episode, he has no male friends.
Xander is essentially left to his own devices to construct his version of masculinity, and seems to have pieced lessons about “what it means to be a man” from his father, the media, and pornography. However, Xander’s ideas about how to be manly often run counter to Xander’s actual desires and needs, and he’s in constant conflict between what he, as a young man, is supposed to want, and what he actually wants.
Real men get into fights. One of Xander’s many admirable traits is his willingness to fight the good fight no matter what. He’ll pull Cordelia out of a raging fire. He’ll shove Willow to safety as he takes on a vampire without the aid of any weapons. This is a good quality of his, but sometimes he gets into physical altercations when he doesn’t have to and has a negative opinion of himself when he fails to be macho “enough.”
Case in point: the episode “Halloween.” Xander stands up for Buffy when Larry calls her “fast,” and then grabs him by the shirt with a vow to do something “manly.” Larry is quickly about to get the upper hand in the fight, but Buffy twists Larry’s arm behind his back and sends him limping away. Xander is furious – at Buffy, for humiliating him in front of their classmates. He’s convinced that everyone will make fun of him for being rescued by a girl, even though the person made to look most ridiculous in that situation is Larry. He’s terrified of being seen as weak and cowardly and would rather lose in a fight than be rescued by a girl.
And this is hardly the only incident where Xander shows insecurity over his lack of physical strength and fighting power. He hero-worships Riley for possessing the fighting skills he lacks, even though Xander has probably fought and killed more vampires and demons while fighting next to Buffy than Riley did during his time in the Initiative. He comes down hard on himself for not having superpowers and not being able to “contribute” to the group the way Giles, Buffy, and Willow can, even though he’s saved all of their lives on several different occasions. He doesn’t fit his own ideal image of a macho man.
Real men want swooning, submissive ladies. The audience has been witness to some of Xander’s sexist fantasies regarding women. We’ve seen him fantasize about rescuing a trembling, victimized Buffy from a vampire and then leaping onstage for a guitar solo that makes her eyes flutter and her panties wet. We’ve seen him fantasize about two younger, submissive potential Slayers coming into his room to have a threesome with him while other potential Slayers have a Sapphic pillow fight in the background. We’ve seen him wax rhapsodic about the idea of a submissive sexbot, and when his girlfriend and friends look at him with disgust, he says, “No guys, huh? I miss Oz. He would’ve gotten it. He wouldn’t have said anything, but he would have gotten it.”
Xander is wrong, of course – Oz never took the bait when another man invited him to sexually objectify a girl. But he’s also wrong about himself. Xander may talk a good game about wanting a submissive woman to serve him, but his dating history points to an opposite trend of being attracted to assertive – sometimes even aggressive – women. His first girlfriend is Cordelia, the former queen bee of the high school, a girl who defeated a vampire simply by threatening him. His second girlfriend is Anya, a former vengeance demon who spent one thousand years eviscerating men, a woman who never shied away from expressing an opinion even if others found it rude. He’s attracted to both Buffy and Faith, Slayers with physical strength who also know how to fight with their words, but any attraction he had to Kendra died when she couldn’t look him in the eye while speaking to him.
There’s a part of Xander that wants the stereotypical male fantasy of a girl who will serve at his whim, but the larger part of him seems to crave a woman who will speak her mind and banter with him. If he ever did find a girlfriend who only wanted to serve and please, he’d be bored within a few hours, though I’m not sure he has the self-awareness to realize that yet.
Real men always want sex. Xander can be gross when it comes to women. He makes sexually objectifying comments about his female friends. He thinks about sex all the time, as confirmed when Buffy gains the ability to read minds and gets wind of his inner monologue. He sees nothing wrong with making comments about women’s bodies in front of his female friends, and fantasizing about Willow and Tara’s sex life in front of Buffy and Dawn.
Yet there’s another side of Xander when it comes to sex, one that doesn’t come out as often: he values and craves intimacy. When he dreams about Joyce Summers in “Restless,” he confirms that he’s more interested in comfort than in conquest: “I’m a comfortador.” After he has sex with Faith, he doesn’t brag to his friends the way we’d expect him to, but tries to prevent Buffy from finding out and only spills the beans when he thinks the information might help – and he’s crushed when Faith dismisses their one-night stand as meaningless to her: “I thought we had a connection.”
It’s clear that intimacy is more important to Xander than merely getting his rocks off, but the side of him he chooses to show with his friends is the side that’s gross and reducing women to sex objects – even though his friends like the sweet side of Xander a lot more than the pig he often lets out.
Real men get into fights. Real men want submissive women. Real men want sex. These are the lessons that Xander internalizes, and where does that leave him? It leaves him feeling inadequate. It leaves him feeling unloved. It leaves him angry, and when he’s angry, he uses his words as weapons and cruelly lashes out at the people he loves the most – in short, repeating some of the behavior he learned from his father.
The worst part is that Xander often isn’t self-aware enough to see what he’s doing, even as he can recognize this detrimental behavior in other men. He criticizes his friend Riley for acting too macho and blowing up a crypt without waiting for backup. He’s disgusted with Spike for creating the Buffybot. He thinks Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew are creepy and gross. He’s right about all of these things, but if someone were to point out the similarities between his behavior and theirs, he’d be in deep denial to hear it – because as much as Xander wants to be like other men, he wants even more to not be like those men, those jerks who take advantage of women and try too hard to wow people with their macho behavior.
Xander has many wonderful qualities. He can be very brave, loyal, selfless, and loving, and the boy knows how to turn a phrase. He can also be insecure, angry, sexist, cruel, and judgmental. Close to the end of the series, he becomes more at peace with himself and lets go of much of his anger and judgment, but if we didn’t live in a culture that fetishizes and celebrates the most aggressive and disgustingly macho versions of masculine behavior, maybe he would have reached that point much earlier in his life.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Xander becomes more at peace with himself – and becomes a better friend – when he gets over the need to be our culture’s definition of a man and instead does what he does best: take on the more traditionally feminine role of comforter and emotional support for the people he loves.
(Bless you if you read this far. I know the formatting is effed up but if I spend ONE MORE MINUTE trying to fix it I will punch my computer.)

BtVS and Consent Issues: Episode 6.02 – “Bargaining, Part 2″

[Note: I'm writing a series about consent issues in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I will post a new entry in this series every other Tuesday. In this series, I will look at an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that deals with rape, sexual assault, or consent issues as a main plot point or as a featured event of the episode. I will examine these episodes in chronological order. If, in my writing of this series, you feel that I have skipped an episode that should be a part of this series, feel free to submit a guest post, and I will consider publishing it.]

EPISODE: “Bargaining, Part 2″
INCIDENT: Threat of rape
PERPETRATOR: Razor and the demon bikers
INTENDED VICTIMS: Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay, Anya Jenkins, Buffy Summers

The specifics: The Scooby gang brings Buffy back to life right as a gang of demon bikers comes rolling into town, wreaking havoc on Sunnydale. They corner Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander, and a recently-resurrected Buffy. The head demon biker, Razor, threatens to rape the women and wants to start with Buffy. He punches her in the face, but then Buffy’s Slayer instincts kick in and she successfully fights him off. She and the Scoobs eventually fight off and kill and/or scare away the demon bikers.

The mind of the perpetrator: Razor, as he says, is only interested in one thing – destruction. “Of course we want trouble. We’re demons. We’re really all about trouble.” Only a few scenes ago, he and his demon buddies chained up the Buffybot to the ends of their motorcycles and tore her apart. Wanting to rape the women is part of his general love for destruction, but it’s also about specifically punishing strong women. (He doesn’t threaten Xander with rape.) After all, when he asks who wants to go first and Buffy moves forward in her still half-dead state, he says, “I was really hoping it would be you.”

The victims’ perspective: Obviously none of them want to be raped (or in Xander’s case, watch his friends be raped), but they take different approaches to dealing with Razor. Xander and Tara threaten him, Anya tries to reason with him, and Willow does both. Buffy is still half-catatonic and doesn’t say or do anything until Razor punches her in the face.

What does this episode say about misogyny and rape culture?

This episode shows us how certain groups of violent men are particularly violent and hostile towards women, especially strong women. Many demons, vampires, and evil humans have wanted to kill the Slayer, but not all of them attacked Buffy out of misogyny. (Ethan Rayne, for example, set up Buffy to die purely out of self-preservation, and I think the Mayor half-admired Buffy for being a strong woman and thought it was a shame she didn’t turn out like Faith.) These demons, however, are of a different breed. They take joy out of ripping the Buffybot into pieces, even though she was already injured and not much of a threat to them at that point.

Now let’s look at the language he uses when he threatens them with rape:

“RAZOR: Now let me tell you something, children. We’re not gonna fight you. We’re just gonna hold you down and enjoy ourselves for a few hours. You might even live through it. Except that certain of my boys got some…anatomical incompatibilities that, uh, tend to tear up little girls. So, who wants to go first?”

There’s no grey area in this threat of rape. Like in most instances, this threat is much more about power and control than sexual desire. Rape is a weapon to harm and humiliate and even kill.

On one hand, this rape threat is a responsible portrayal of sexual violence in the media, showing that rape is a violent crime and that rapists are not overwhelmed with passion or desire. They just want to hurt their victims.

On the other hand, I find the inclusion of this threat completely gratuitous and gross in what is already a depressing, bleak episode.

Now, I happen to be a fan of the controversial sixth season of Buffy. I wouldn’t be a fan of the show if every season was as depressing and dark as season six, but I liked seeing the show explore the darkest, least pleasant aspects of its heroes and shining a giant spotlight on their flaws. I like a lot about the “Bargaining” episodes, as it combines truly scary imagery (Willow vomiting up a snake wtf?!, Buffy coming out of her grave), scenes that are both strange and oddly touching (Dawn crawling into bed next to the Buffybot) and weird humor (the Buffybot’s marzipan line and the vampire in the Hanson T-shirt), but I thought Razor’s line about “anatomical incompatibilities tearing up little girls” was gratuitous and unnecessarily brutal. It felt like the writers were using a rape threat as a cheap way to show how edgy and dark the sixth season was going to be – and, dudes, you had Buffy crawl out of her grave and Willow vomit up a snake. You wanted to show us edginess and darkness? WE GOT IT.